Off the Windowpane

Reflections

2011-01-10T22:31:00.000-08:00

2010. The arbitrary but consistent flip on the calendar causes us to pause, searching for meaning in the past, and craving better days for the future. This cultural reflection should be a daily habit rather than a yearly one, but our inability to process our own weaknesses keeps us from seeing the importance of proper contemplation.

Loss. If 2010 was marked by one word, it would be loss. Personally, the loss of companions to life changes, the loss of stability, the loss of health, and the ultimate loss of too many lives. Globally, the loss of finances, the loss of lives in war - both natural and man-driven, and the complete loss of sanity in the political arenas. The news, both from those known and unknown was full of tragedy, of weights unbearable by anyone alone. And yet somehow, we all do it alone.

Solitude. In the midst of it all, we find that as much as we surround ourselves with others, we must find some inner strength to carry on. With solitude, we find guilt, self-doubt, and loneliness. But it is through this isolation that proceeds any hope, any dream, and certainly, any peace. Regardless of one's spiritual beliefs, and regardless of where that strength comes from, it has to start in the quietness when we recognize our own limitations, that we can accept ourselves.

Change. It can come like "the thief in the night", and sometimes it is like the "watched pot that never boils." It can happen as we watch or it can happen only as we look back. But change always comes. Almost never as expected, and rarely when we think we need it. It might be cloaked in negativity and might be mistaken as another loss, hiding the opportunity that one must be mindful to catch. But change always comes - sooner or later.

Hope. The cycle always ends with a longing for something more, and the truth that there truly can be more. A new year sets the stage not for wonderful things to happen to us, but for our reactions to things to be more positive. Not that no more tragedy will befall us, but that we would be wiser and stronger to manage it, to overcome it, and not be dictated to because of it. Finally, hope is the essence of holding true to yourself and reaching out to others in need.

2011. In the juxtaposition of the horrible Tucson strategy this weekend, and hearing my unborn baby's heart today, life is too precious for anything but love and hope. Reflect often my friends. Find your own solitude. And find your way out of any negativity. May this year truly be filled with change and hope for each of you.

Inspiration

2010-06-28T22:26:00.000-07:00

Inspiration. A teary commercial, a stunning photograph, a quirky movie, a motivational speaker, a soft-spoken handwritten poem, Post Secret postcards, watching the reality show of building a home for a well-deserving family, listening to the human NPR stories of triumph and bravery, and ah, how weak am I!

Inspiration. An endless stream of inputs and I am overwhelmed. Inspired, but buried as the weight is too much to carry.

Inspiration. Peter Cetera is singing in my head, and yes, I think I may have even been inspired by the love of a boy or two.

Inspiration. Funny, the name of the first faculty technology center I built, was "Inspired InSite". The name was obvious, it was the place on campus for you to be inspired and gain insight with technology for teaching. I still like that name.

Inspiration. Little would the world know how many blogs I write a day, how inspired I am to share, and how odd that so few of those words end up here.

Inspiration. At least a dozen times each day, I am challenged to be better, to do better, and to do more.

Inspiration. The question is really how do I inspire those around me.

Restoration

2010-04-01T21:07:00.000-07:00

"Restoration in progress. Please stay on the trail." The sign is mocking me a bit.

I drag myself to the local nature center, pay my obligatory $5 parking fee, and stroll through the various habitats with my notebook.

While the sounds of the freeway are in the distant background, and an occasional power line can be seen, this small oasis in the city has a calming effect on me. As perspective on life slowly comes back to me, I fear it won't last for long. Out there... is death, pain, chaos, busyness, deadlines, pressure, and so much noise. The noise. It takes a full 30 minutes until I am finally able to breathe, removing myself from the insanity of life.

So I sit here, waiting to be restored. The smell of sage, the ducks chasing each other, the falling seeds on my notebook, the trees - everything here says breath, live, restore. The life of the aquatic turtles is envious, the warm sun softly baking their shells, and a quick dip in the water for play. A reminder of a Maui vacation - ah, that is why it looks so familiar.

A couple walk past me, she comments, "the days go by much slower now." Having absolutely no context in which she said this, I could not even phantom a scenario in which could possibility allow my days to go by more slowly.

I have written before about "moments" and I do try desperately to live my life in those precious moments. With the craziness of late, these moments seem to appear less frequently, even though I wish for them more often.

I am not much of a trail hiker, more of a trailblazer. Admittedly, I want the challenge of the unknown, live to be the first, or best, or even the only - but that is another story. It isn't about competitiveness for me, it is about pushing myself.

But I am reminded in this moment that sometimes we have to stay on the trails in life for a while so the restoration can be in progress. Not really what my mind wants, but rather what my soul needs for this interval. Sometimes a trail can keep you from falling, damaging yourself even more, shielding you from predators, or simply gets you to the destination faster. Trails are often predictable and boring to me, but today the trail was peaceful.

"Restoration in progress. Please stay on the trail. Thank you."

Smoke and Mirrors

2010-02-28T22:19:00.000-08:00

In this off the "beaten path" blog, I am going to introduce you to some music you need to hear, some words you need to read, and a band you need to know. While the world spins at its normal pace, my life seems to be spinning a bit faster than I can handle as of late, and my absence in writing has not been for a lack of material (which I will be hopefully sharing soon). But timeliness is a key element of blogging, and this one is destined to be timely.

Tomorrow, March 2, marks the release of the fifth album by Lifehouse, Smoke and Mirrors. I have followed this band before they were truly a band... I have attended every concert leg, seeing them in probably 20 shows, traveling and cheering them on from all angeles. I love the simplicity, the sound, the passion, but alas, it is the lyrics that keep me coming back and this new album has it all and it is a must for your collection.

Lifehouse has a sound that is inspired by U2, The Beatles, and Pearl Jam. But they have their own unique sound and several songs on this album exemplify their own classic sound and verse. "It Is What It Is" is a song about recognizing a relationship is at impasse, and the nothingness that lies ahead. The song "From Where You Are" was originally written as an elegy to a young life lost in an auto accident used in an Allstate teen driving campaign - but I can barely listen to it as images of my cousin Eric flash through my mind.

Jason Wade writes passionate, soaring, yet close to the heart lyrics as exemplified on the hit "Halfway Gone" and "All In". A few unique songs "Nerve Damage" and "Near Life Experience" make for a full complement of emotions. But I will leave the other songs for another blog!

As a current member of the Lifehouse Street Team, but also someone who was there in the beginning, I'm doing my part in sharing this news with you: Smoke and Mirrors is now available at stores and for download - it is my pick for top album of 2010!

A Living Reflection

2009-11-29T20:53:00.000-08:00

The circle of life has given the most mundane and the greatest of writers, poets, and orators the best fodder, but tonight the poetry seems to have excaped me as I wrestle with the birth of one and the death of another.

In birth, women take action to overprotect themselves, from "early detection" to eating strange things, to unbelievable odd medical and traditional (any one been to a baby shower?) rituals. We overprotect our children, worrying over silly things, making them live our dreams, or escaping from reality through them. We become over-involved in their schools and activites, helicoptering over them. We keep them inside, afraid of what the "outside" holds, and we forget to let them explore, for we keep them safe.

In the end it is all for not; as the end comes to all of us. It might be that fatal accident, the incurable diease, the horrid lifestyle that sped up the process, or just the age thing that gets us. It almost always comes too soon, and almost as often, it is unexpected. Even watching a loved one suffer from that cancer, the end is always a shock.

It is in those moments of frailty that we are reminded of the preciousness of life - in holding a newborn or attending a funeral, you cannot help but reflect on your own actions, you own dreams, what did you make of yourself and what will the world hold for this new life. I am reflecting a lot lately.

Words of wisdom are plenty. And I have none.

Just live every moment.

Bare Branches

2009-11-22T23:44:00.000-08:00

Bare branches tell a story
Green ones cannot understand

They were stripped of their livelihood
They stand naked in shame
They never asked to be the chosen ones
They were not given options at that moment
They thought they were in it all together
They were always part of the team

Bare branches tell a story
Green ones just don't understand

As lightening does, it struck
A tiny spark changed the course
Amazing inferno, ravaging the life
Green is vaporized in seconds
The beauty that took years is gone

Bare branches tell a story
Green ones fail to understand

Under the blackened nakedness
Blood flows on
It breathes and moves
Heart still constant in the trunk
Damaged, but not dead

Bare branches tell a story
Green ones misunderstand

Severely broken, but not forever
Struggle is slow and steady
Water and light are needed
But time is the only true healer
They learn they can only grow with the seasons

Bare branches tell a story
Green ones incapable to understand

Solid, perfect, and Green
Balanced and Unmovable
The world offers little threat
Small Animals, tired birds, a bitter winter
They don't phase those green branches

Bare branches tell a story
Green ones will never understand

A forrest full of trees
No one really stands alone
They all touch each other
Need by each other, dependent
It is their togetherness that makes them strong

Yet somehow, bare branches know a different story.

(Written Summer 2008 while sitting in the forest in Yosemite.
Recent life events made it come alive again.)

Rabbi's Wisdom

2009-10-29T21:50:00.000-07:00

Today, North Hollywood was rattled by the shooting of two Jewish men as they were entering the Adat Yeshurun Valley Sephardic synagogue for worship. Although the two men were not fatally injured, there was fear and panic this morning as the unknown assailant was loose, and the motive and extent of the crime were undetermined.

The Deputy Chief of Los Angeles Police was addressing the media and spelled the name of the synagogue, Adat Yeshurun, because he couldn't pronounce it. The Rabbi helped him out and pronounced it for him, and then a reported asked the Rabbi to spell it. He said, "Just like the Deputy Chief said", noting the irony of the question. The Rabbi continued, "It is a Hebrew word, you can spell it any way you want."

None of the reporters seemed to pick up on this quip, and they went along with dramatizing the morning's saga. They were asking the most dire of questions - probing for the worst case scenario.

But it was the Rabbi's attitude that caught me, his humor in the face of fear.

If we all could manage to see beyond the fear, beyond the uncertainty, simply live in the moment, and smile at the moment, what a better place this would be.

Non-Random Acts of Kindness

2009-10-14T22:04:00.000-07:00

The news has been so depressing as of late, and it seems that somehow the best of human nature has been lacking in display. Yesterday, I was the recipient of some non-random acts of kindness, the kind where people are generally in a position to help, but normally do not.

My colleague and I arrive at the airport after an exhausting but successful 5 hour presentation, and we are running on a bit of adrenaline and I am running a bit on Dayquil. My colleague dutifully writes down the cab number on the receipt, and I tease him for his meticulousness. He is dropped off a few terminals before me, and so I actually pay the cab driver when we arrive at my terminal. I gather my laptop, my heavy overcoat, open the truck by myself (aren't they supposed to do that for you?), and haul the too heavy carry-on bag out. Slamming the truck shut with a deep breath, and the cab is on its way. It hits me like a ton of bricks. I check my pockets, three times, i check my laptop bag, but I already know the answer. I left my iPhone in the cab.

Sheer panic. This is not my city, not any where near my comfort zone, and this is not a good thing. The first person I run into is a porter, who somehow distinguished my cries for help and sends me to the taxi cab stand downstairs. I realize I have my other phone (the boring one that does nothing by call people, which is very important at this moment) and I call my colleague. "What is the cab number?" "What?" I repeated, "I need the cab number!" "6278" "Okay, good gotta go. Bye."

Fortunately, there is hardly anyone in line at the cab stand, so panic stricken me approaches the operator. I explain "my iPhone is in the cab, number 6278, I just left it two minutes ago!" She calmly smiles and never misses a beat. She is on the radio with the dispatcher. Minutes tick by. I start pacing with my rolling bag. At some point she asks if I know the name of the cab company, my answer? "It was yellow?" Then, ah, I remember, the receipt is in my pocket - and amazing, their number is on the receipt too!

I call the company and plead my sad story again. This dispatcher takes my phone and says she will call right back. I have serious doubts about this. The cab stand operator has no more information and my hopes are fading. Besides the actual replacement of the phone, I realize that I have not set up a password on my phone and much personal data is at risk. Shame overcomes me at my willfulness to ignore security precautions that I even preach about!

The boring phone in my hand rings, the dispatcher! She tells me that she will give me the cabbie's number, because he has already dropped off the iPhone with someone. Who?! I can't find a pen, and I know my panic was going to make me forget the number. Hearing me fumbling, the dispatcher calmly said, "Why don't you just put it in your phone?" Duh. Double duh.

The cabbie says "I gave it to a security guard in the parking lot." Which parking lot? No idea. Which security guard? No idea. Ok - so now, all I have to do is find the security guard in the massive Chicago O'Hare airport in one of the parking lots who has my iPhone and doesn't want to take it home for himself, because he has no way of knowing who I am.

Back to the cab stand, I ask her what parking lot might I find security guards with my phone in it. She thinks, probably the "lost and found" in that structure, pointing me on way - so dutifully, I go. I find nothing, the valet parking guys think I'm a little crazy, but at this point, I don't really care. I turn to see a well built tough Chicago guard coming my way. He waves a black object and calls, "You the lady missing an iPhone?"

Running towards him, I cannot resist a hug! I'm blaming all of that on the sinus drugs! He walks me back to the cab stand, explaining how many people lose their phones that way, and how his iPhone is his life, so he totally understands the panic. He bids me a good day and leaves me with the cab stand operator. She has now seen me go through the 8 stages of "Lost and Found" - panic, fear, anger, disappointment, hope, anticipation, relief, and finally, elation. She is pleased and laughs when I yell to no one in particular "I love Chicago!"

It is a rare but beautiful moment as I stand in the security line, and I reflect on how many people it took to coordinate getting that phone back into my hand, and how they made my day.

Never, ever, pass up an opportunity to show someone just a little random or not-so-random act of kindness.

Freshmen

2009-09-02T21:06:00.000-07:00

Two young men sat on the bench outside of the Business building; one looking around like a lost puppy, the other one intensely chatting on his cell phone. I am walking by heading to another meeting on this first day of the Fall semester and something made me slow down and I hear the student say, "Where are you? We are in front of the building!"

Instinctively, I looked around and within a split second had found their meeting buddy. I noticed another lone figure out of their view because a tree was in the way. I smiled and said the freshmen on the bench, "he's right there" and pointed out the other lost puppy.

They looked at me a little funny, then realized I was right, and said, "Wow, thank you!" and moved to meet the other student.

As I walked into our new library, I realized, THIS is exactly what our job is to do - as adults, and as educators - our job is to help the students see the world through the trees! Although the students had the technology to connect, they didn't stand up to find the answer standing 50 feet away! Never underestimate the ability to point our students in the right direction, sometimes, they even appreciate it.

Make Time

2009-08-30T21:22:00.000-07:00

I was 16, working multiple jobs, in college, and loving life. A bit overwhelmed at how much was on my shoulders, and the competing priorities, I sought the advice of a trusted youth leader, who sat me down and said, "Crista, you will always find time to do the things you really want to do."

So, for years I have attempted to prioritize my responsibilies knowing that I can always find the time to do the things I really want to do. And perhaps there was a time in life when that was true, when I was that 16 year old. Now, a lifetime later, my passion for life has not abated, but my time has eroded and I find that I do not find time to do the things I want to do, because the things I have to do take over the clock.

I want to write - clearly this has not been a priority, given the last time I blogged. Poetry, stories, blog, the world of words daily entices me, and I resist.

I want to watch interesting movies, old ones, new ones; I like the history, the story, the technology use.
I want to listen to more music that I don't know and repeat music that I already love.
I want to dance and sing.
I want to do more yoga and run.
I want to send real birthday cards out to my family and friends.
I want to travel to exotic places, and yet, I want to stay home and do nothing.
I want to eat amazing food and learn to cook it too.
I want to do really well at my job - encourage, inspire, and make the school better.
I want to be a good stepmom, wife, daughter, sister, friend.

A bit of mind rambling - obviously, there is a much longer list.

What I really want is to change the world and make it a better place in my own way.

Somehow laundry, bills, and the "real world" get in the way. Ah, the common struggle.

But I'll keep trying to make the time to do the things I want.

Those Parents

2009-06-25T21:10:00.000-07:00

As the world mourns several major celebrities, parents across the world are mourning the loss of their children to the great Ivory Tower. Today, I witnessed as some of these parents voiced their concerns at a university orientation for parents...

"How do I get my son not to play video games while he is a college?"

"I am most worried about my daughter actually exploring and trying new things."

"I don't let me kids do their own laundry, so I don't know what my son will do with it."

Somehow in the recent past, parenting has seriously changed from PREPARING our children for adulthood, to PROTECTING them from adulthood. Some of these parents, grated not all, were so fearful that their students might actually grow up, to be responsible in their own way and experience life. It was so sad. And their poor kids spend more of their time trying to overcome this irrational and stifling fear. These are the kids that are so unprepared for how to even ask the right questions, because they were never taught that they are responsible for their own well-being. Rather than providing their children with the tools to live, a curiosity of what life holds, and how to maneuver that life, these parents are providing them with co-dependency skills and a helpless sense of navigating the world.

I hope never to be one of "those parents".

The Current State of the Tower

2009-06-12T15:29:00.000-07:00

The ivory towers stands high, massive, glistening in the far off distance. It's three levels are distinct, each getting smaller and steeper. It is daunting to the millions of minions all around it, although most understand its place and treat it with respect. But many just ignore it, or pretend that it doesn't matter to them.

At the top of the tower, the Admins and Profs are poised and huddled in their own world. They notice little about what is happening around, on, or below the tower. Few look over the edge, and fewer still leave the tower. Although, some do have a fear that some day they might not get to stay in the tower.

The sides of the tower are covered with minions who are crawling, hanging on, struggling with the steep climb. They dodge pitfalls, cracks, and scale the side brick by brick. Some make it to the first level and are awarded. Most leave the tower at this point, and never look back.

Other minions, now B-Minions forge on scaling the wall, which is much steeper, and few of those that try even make it. They are awarded at the second level. Only those with great fortitude and sheer will, even attempt to make it to the last steepest level. Of those very few, fewer make it to the top. Most cannot make it past the final wall to the top.

There is little help along the way, but often M-Minions leave trails for others to follow, and occasionally a Prof will peek out from the top and offer a bit of advice. But it is a very lonely struggle, and it is only the bravest who make it.

After scaling the final wall, a M-Minion exhausted, dehydrated, and confused, they are welcomed into the club. Now they stay, and most do, because it is much too much work to get off of the tower. And there is no need to bother with the outside world - it is very comfortable and self-contained at the top of the tower. They are now Profs.

Unnoticed by those at the top, on one side of the tower, a few Profs, and Minions are making a bit of a mess. They have come down from the top and they are chipping away at the tower. They use every tool they can find - hammers, drills, often their own hands, to just get a piece of the tower. These rebellious ones pass the piece of the tower to the masses that surround them, and the piece gets passed around. The more minions that touch the ivory, the more that they want of the ivory.

Some of the minions realize that they too must scale the tower, so that someday they can give the ivory to others.

Perfect Spot

2009-04-15T17:20:00.000-07:00

Somewhere between the gnocchi and the vitello, I laughed and found my perfect spot sitting in San Francisco. As my friend and I alternated between memories and the current stories of the day, I savored the moment of being. At first there was a twinge of jealous, but no, it was pride, just pride, as my lifelong dear friend shared her adventures of late. Something amazing had happened and I could truly say I knew her "when" and I glowed with love and admiration.

Life, full of cycles, often brings more downs than ups. And rarely does it do justice to those that deserve it, and when it does, it must be noted and must not be missed. So my readers, I invite you all to find your Perfect Spot in San Francisco or around the world.

Those that have known you through it all and still love you should never be taken for granted.

What I know

2009-03-31T17:06:00.000-07:00

A clinical psychologist who works with Alzheimer's patients and their families was sharing a story that bears repeating:

A woman was having a very difficult time coming to grips with the fact that her husband of many years was going to eventually forget who she was due to his Alzheimer's. Although the doctor tried to encourage her to look for her husband's love in a multiple of ways, she insisted on quizzing him every time she visited him. She would ask, "Do you know who I am?" For a while, he was able to answer, but eventually, the disease had set in.

She asked "Do you know who I am?", her husband answered, "No, but I know I love you."

There are some things that are stronger than our frail knowledge.

Stoned and Massaged

2009-03-29T16:45:00.001-07:00

The smells are the best part of visiting the spa. Closely followed by the cleanliness, and well, that general feeling of peace. The world slows down when I walk through the doors of the locker room, or at least it feels like it. I adorn the clinical robe, and stupid plastic slippers (which are always too big for me). And then wait... there are a few minutes to breath, take in a little great tea or lemon water.

I love all kinds of treatments, but just the straight "stress reduction" massage keeps me going back. If I could afford it, I'd go weekly, or daily. For now, I'll settle for as often as I can. Today's massage was as wonderful as always, although it did include the hot stones which help one melt into never-never land.

Unfortunately, even in that amazingly relaxed state, my mind never stops. In fact, today I even thought about blogging about the experience (duh) during the massage. I cannot stop myself from oscillating between the relaxation and the muscles that are being worked on, to the sounds in the room, what I need to do after the appointment, and the eternal list that runs in my brain. I have the same problem in yoga, or trying to sleep at night... My brain never seems to shut off.

I've been told that you get better at relaxing the more you do it, but I seem to be failing miserably at it. So, I'll just take those sweet 10 second breaks during a massage when my mind is at peace with the world. I think today those breaks added up to about 10 minutes. I smile.

Jury Duty - Deliberations and Beyond

2009-03-20T21:03:00.000-07:00

The deliberation room.

All I can think of is "12 Angry Men." That room was hot, stuffy and full of, well, twelve angry men. This room is light, airy, not very large, but it is full of laughter? These twelve people were vibrant, colorful, and unique. They came from all backgrounds, all walks of life, but they all had opinions.

First vote: 6 to 6.

We have serious work to do.

The first day of deliberations we discuss for 2 hours and make no progress.

The next day, 6 more hours and we reach consensus. We yell and clap. It is odd and it is bonding. We are confident that we have it right.

The emotions in the courtroom are high as the verdict is read, but the jurors are calm. We are done.

Ten of the 12 jurors went to grab a drink - at a seedy bar on a Thursday afternoon. It is fitting in a odd way. We shared something that no one could understand. It is personal, it is ours, only ours. As we part we say we'll keep in touch, but we all know this isn't true. It was all just a moment in time.

It was four days of our lives that we shared together, and it will just be a memory.

But somehow we impacted justice and we impacted two people's lives.

I can't say that I believe in our law system. The experience highlighted all of the complicated and disgusting parts of the system: poor lawyering, lying witness, antiquated technology and resources available, aging judge, and a litigious society. It was ugly.

I can't say that I believe in our law system. But I do believe in people.

Jury Duty - The Case

2009-03-19T21:50:00.000-07:00

I am called. Juror #6.

Questions after question, I remain. Dismissal, after dismissal, I remain.

I honestly answer the questions. Maybe too honest; I figure i will get dismissed. I remain.

More than 20 people dismissed. I remain.

We are sworn in - it is a serious undertaking, a bit daunting. I'm on a jury!

The judge reads through a notebook of instructions. Prosecution puts on her case, defense counter-attacks. As serious as it is, the jury wonders why we are even there, why these charges were brought, and how many times the f' word can be said in court.

The specifics really don't matter. There are two sides to every story and we hear both - completely opposite accounts. I take 30 pages of notes, quoting and highlighting the stated facts.

Two and a half days of testimony. Nine witnesses, 2 phone calls, and a dozen photographs later, both sides rest.

And now for the fun part. For almost three days, I have stayed silent. I know, I know, amazing feat. Silent about the facts of the case, silent about my thoughts, and silent about my opinions. Now we get to talk.

Jury Duty - The People

2009-03-18T21:26:00.000-07:00

The Judge looks exactly like all judges look like. He is white, and obviously male, and well, probably older than he should be to still be judging. He is very serious about his job too, but he seems a bit annoyed at the whole process. Or maybe it is just this case.

One prosecutor. Two defendants. Two defense attorneys.

She looks like she is straight from law school. And speaks like it as well.

They are scared. One male and one female.

They are public defenders and their dress, their hair, their speech all says "not paid enough."

The case - a misdemeanor. Charged with obstructing a peace office in the line of duty.

This should be simple. Right?

Jury Duty - The Duty Part Begins

2009-03-17T21:09:00.000-07:00

I am juror number 2104.

Still in the jury room. The verbal orientation from our robust hostess is more about procedures and emergencies. Funny how little is said about justice.

The video portion of the orientation brings comedy. Not because it is funny, but because the DVD doesn't work. How many helpful citizens does it take to fix a DVD player? Apparently, more than we had - they never do fix it. I just watch, I find it refreshing to watch people help each other. We watch the orientation on VHS. Ah, now we learn about justice.

We have an important job to do. We must make or break a life.

Like good little soldiers, all 40 of us head into the courtroom. Some people look a little scared or just annoyed, but as a Law and Order junkie, I love every minute of it.

Jury Duty

2009-03-16T20:57:00.000-07:00

(Back after a long break... don't let me leave you again!)

Jury Duty. 40 people sit. Mostly quietly. The oldest man in the room, in his late sixties, is the biggest violator of the no cell phone rule. His loud voice echos through the room as others exchange annoyed glances. One guy snores. Magazines and newspapers are pulled out. But mostly, pure boredom.

The group is ethnically mixed, but the audience outside the jury room is a stark contrast. Most potential jurors are middle aged, only a few over 60, and fewer under 30.

The one lone staff member is a robust African American women who is very sweet, calls everyone "my friend." But the smile sees forced and she is clearly overworked and exhausted. Her voice falters as she gives the continued announcements, stating "I have to say this because it is on my script." She takes her job very personally and seriously. We are "her jurors."

One small joke gets a weak laugh from the bored civic slaves; we look at each other and wonder what we did to deserve this.

A lady

2009-01-08T20:41:00.000-08:00

For some odd reason, we have assigned this "magicalness" to the calendar change into a new year and the world is supposed to be different with a new four digit identification. So true to form, I now have a thousand new topics that are buzzing in my head that I would like to write about. Because now that it is 2009, they seem relevant. And of course, I have a complete new sense of motivation to write.

Silly notion. So I think I'll skip the New Year's resolutions and just continue to try to better myself and those around me just as I did last year.

"Being a leader is like being a lady, if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't." - The Margaret Thatcher quote for the day.

I think I'll just be.

Karate Lessons

2008-11-24T21:58:00.001-08:00

Driving through Los Angeles on a six lane boulevard, I pulled up to red light. A scrawny looking 18 year-old with a blond mohawk and lip ring sauntered from the side of the road unto the grass median. His all black clothes and black backpack looked like the standard gear for the rebellious youth. He sat down and settled against a sign post and produced a piece of cardboard. The edges were completely torn and a marker had scribbled his message, "Ninjas took my Girlfriend. Need $$ to take Karate."

I smiled. Read the sign again... If I had been in the lane next to the kid, I might have have actually given him money. His creativity was refreshing.

We often don't give the youth enough credit for thinking outside the box. We take surveys and our anecdotal evidence of working with these young people, and then we make generalizations, and group them into categories so that we can handle them.

They are no different in their search for their identity and in finding their place in the world. They just might have different means and avenues of doing it. At least, the young man didn't have his sign digitized.

The Blog is Dead?

2008-11-13T21:06:00.000-08:00

An article in the November issue of Wired is titled "Kill Your Blog", and proceeds to examine how "micro-blogging" is taking over and is the best way to communicate now. "Thinking about launching your own blog? Here's some friendly advice: Don't. And if you've already got one, pull the plug" are the great words from this supposedly forward looking magazine.

I take issue with this. Obviously, I am quite behind in my blog writing, as a new job, the elections, and general life seems to have gotten in the way. A stranger recently let me know that she had read my blog; this reinvigorated me, because I thought it was just my three friends who read this (you know who you are).

A blog has a seriously different purpose than a micro-blog and while we may not call it a "blog" in a few years, the need for an expanded method of sharing one's ideas will not go away. We cannot and will not simply find that our ideas can all be forced into 140 characters or quick blurbs. Brevity is not everything - clarity is often more important.

Identifying the truth within "blogs" (or any website for that matter) is clearly a tricky task. And this is obviously, where we as educators are desperately needed. One needs to only see how the news media is so quickly and easily mislead, and continues to mislead the masses - Check out http://www.eisenstadtgroup.com/ and make your own decisions.

Words are powerful movers, and vital to changing the world. In this world of visual cues, digital representations of everything, video clips and podcasts, and over emphasizing on instant information, I would like to see that simple prose is still a central part of mental processing, critical thinking, and of course, enjoyment.

I refuse to kill my blog. But offer a renewed vow to keep it up, even if there are only three (or maybe four) of you reading it!

Remembering...

2008-10-16T21:01:00.000-07:00

"Those who are dead are not dead they're just living in my head."

A sweet kid, always a smile.
A smart teen, always a question.
He was the one who woke up next to me as a babe.
I watched him grow, in every sense.

He was taken without a goodbye.

No moment for understanding.

All of us have losses, and we don't share them alone.
Words are inadequate.

7 years later, on today, my cousin's birthday, I still feel the loss.
I will always remember.

Change Management

2008-10-09T21:40:00.000-07:00

"Change for the sake of change is good," a former University President often said.

He never won any awards for change management. In fact, although well-liked, he never was able to make positive organizational movements...

As leaders, we have a responsibility to weigh the change we make. Weigh the impact it will have on the organization, of course, but also weigh the impact it will have on the hearts and minds of the individuals.

Change can be difficult and painful. Minimizing this pain is a mark of a good leader. Getting the team to buy into the change and believe it in, is the mark of a consensus builder. Consensus on goals is needed to have lasting change.

Change without purpose, or without shared purpose, can lead to a more disruptive work environment than before the change. Change can damage individuals in such a way that it causes destructive behavior, depression, a culture of fear, and a lack of good will. All of which will ultimately reduce the productivity of a team, which of course, is the exact reason why the change was probably needed in the first place.

Change must be meaningful.
Change must have more positive than negative outcomes.
Change must not be made without looking at all the options.
Change must be communicated properly.
Change must always have a purpose and a goal.

Change with shared purpose can bring new clarity to an organization and invigorate individuals.

Change should never be for the sake of change.

Balance

2008-09-27T09:52:00.000-07:00

Balance. Stand on one firmly planted foot, weight distributed to that side, carefully lift the opposite leg and wrap arms around the knee. Breathe and hold…. And then do this in life.

Balance is running and relaxing. Balance is between responsibility and irresponsibility. Balance is changing the world and maintaining your own needs. Balance is holding on and letting go.

Balance is recognizing the good and changing the bad. Balance is finding the world does not operate in extremes but in equilibrium. We each possess a scale. We balance our personal and our public lives. We balance the dialectical opposites of emotions, wants, and needs.

The Pacific Ocean waves wash up against the west Maui shoreline, and balance is the image that continues to resonate within me.

The First Run

2008-09-16T22:09:00.000-07:00

The foggy overcast morning was perfect. It was early, much earlier than I normally agree to be up on a Saturday. My nervousness made me forget to take my asthma medicine, which I would later regret. It was odd, watching as all these people, young and old, were attempting to do the same feat. I was just one of many, 421 to be exact, and our goal was the same – simply to finish.

Pound, pound, pound, pound, breathe. Pound, pound, pound, pound, breathe. The rhythm of my feet felt good. My breath a bit labored, but steady. I run, I walk. I run, I walk. For 6.2 miles, the time flies because I am joined by a fabulous friend. I finish. Not last, but not so good either (321 place – 1:13:12 total).

I see why it is addicting. The tiny timing chips are intriguing – it is that little bit of technology that makes the accuracy of the whole race so amazing. And it is the timing that makes people do this over and over, to be better, to beat oneself, and to not finish last.

Responsible Adult

2008-09-10T23:35:00.000-07:00

As I checked my Facebook account, I laughed when I read the status of one of my friends "having a hard time going to bed at a reasonable hour like a responsible adult should." It was written at 11:21pm, and I questioned what exactly a reasonable hour was! My friend has three little ones under the age of five; so I can imagine that sleep is quite precious, and so is adult time. But more importantly, what exactly is a responsible adult? And how much time is too much to spend on various time consuming blogs, and "social networking" sites?

Today, Fox News published a story that we all knew was coming (and of course, consider the source!): Social Networking Sites Not Just For Friends — They're Also For The Feds So, we all need to worry about how much time we are wasting trying to connect with everyone, and of course, we need to worry about not offending anyone or causing future harm to ourselves with our openness, now, we have to worry about what the federal government finds out about us. Great. I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed.

A responsible adult would probably just skip all of it – and stay in their world without of this grand “connectedness”. How boring! As a quote freak, I’ll add George Bernard Shaw’s thoughts “A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent in doing nothing.” I wonder what he would have put on his blog…

Chapter One

2008-09-03T07:57:00.000-07:00

My license plate proudly states "Chaptr 1". The life motto goes unrecognized by most people, and perhaps it is why I need the daily reminder. The bellman at the hotel recently inquired about it, and I asked him what he thought it meant. He looked at me and shrugged, "Maybe something to do with the Bible?" I smiled.

Chapter One. It is not the first chapter of this book, nor the chapter of any book. It is not religious in nature, however, it does have a bit of spiritually to it. It all began with a miserable day, a miserable few months actually, where life seemed like it couldn't get any worse and it just kept getting worse. These months we have all had, and I was in the middle of it, struggling to make any sense of it all. And somehow, like it often does, music plays a role in my recovery or rather, my discovery of life. A favorite band put out a song called, "Chapter One" which lines simply state "And if the world should fall apart, hold on to what you know. Take your chances, turn around and go."

And I did. I made the hardest decisions in my life (not that they were the best decisions) and I survived. But the song did something more than become a favorite, it became a life motto.

Today is my chapter one. It is the beginning. It is my chance to start over and begin it, again. It may have some leftover junk left over from yesterday, but it is a new day and a new start. It is always Chapter One.

If I look at tomorrow as begin Chapter Two, then I will always be trying to plan for the next moment. And that implies that there is end to my life and my book. And if you live with the only the end in sight, it is miserable. Scary and miserable.

So, as I begin this Chapter One of my life and I write down the odd, the interesting, sometimes funny, but mostly the familiar feelings that we all struggle with, I remember that is not what is going to happen with these stories that matters. It is that I lived this, I recorded it, and I was willing to share it. Somehow my Chapter One will inspire one other person to be a bit better and then it is all worth it.

Human Powered

2008-08-29T14:03:00.000-07:00

They looked like large Oompa-Loompas, straight from the scene where they are beaming chocolate across television waves (which I am still waiting to happen!). Completely covered from head to toe in a clean suit, only their eyes could be seen. They might have even had orange skin, and gender was impossible to distinguish. We peered down on them, as if they were an exhibit, animals in a cage.

These men and women were highly skilled and educated enginners at JPL in Pasadena, and they are making the next Mars Lander (twice the size of the current ones ). In a very large clean room, they were deep in the process of building the Lander. Each part was put on, then inspected, then recorded by photo and on paper, then inspected some more. Very slow and deliberate moves. This was technology at it's absolute best. They had every tool they could possibly need at their disposal. It was fascinating to watch, but not because of the amazing technological advances that were being made in the room. It was fascinating, because of the people. It is the humans that design, create, and manufacture this space vehicle. Every step of it has human touch to it and although, JPL says they only work on robotic and not "manned" flights, this is fully human powered.

The opening ceremonies of the Olypmics a few weeks ago, had an amazing scene with Chinese printing blocks (by the way, I have a particular fondness for printing presses). It was wondrous to watch as hundreds of large blocks moved up and down to form Chinese characters and depictions. As I studied them with awe, I became a bit critical as one block or another was off a little bit. I commented how frustrating that must have been to director Zhang Yimou. Then, like many other viewers, I was shocked to watch as humans popped their heads out of the blocks. They were human powered.

Ah, the way technology will advance and change our world is only through human power.

A wedding, a funeral, and a...

2008-08-23T10:39:00.000-07:00

... stroke, an earthquake, (not to mention the Olympics...), my last few weeks have been plagued with reminders, both great and small, that life is so precious and short. As I hurried to pick up a friend from the airport yesterday morning, and feeling a bit under the weather, I reached for a t-shirt. I rummaged through the stack in a daze until I found the one that says "Alive" on it. (It happens to be the band Lifehouse's shirt, but that was beside the point.) I just wanted the reminder that indeed, I am alive, to stay with me.

I am alive. And my apparent inability to write on this website is not a failure on my part, but a matter of priorities. I think of all of the teens and college students who faithfully update their social networking sites. Is it that they have less responsibilities? I doubt that is true for most of them. It is matter of what is important to them. How connected to the world they want to be? Often times we, the adult responsible types, spend so much time being pushed by the world that we forgot that we do have control.

When I was 16, I complained to a youth leader of mine that I didn't have enough time to do everything that was being asked of me. His words have stuck with me forever, "You always make time to do what you want to do." What we fail to see is that most of our moments are choices, that not everything has to get done (household chores really can be left at the bottom of the list!), and that we have the ability to shape our days, rather than being shaped by them.

Off the Windowpane

2008-08-09T12:32:00.000-07:00

Exhausted, I leaned back to the uncomfortable airline seat. Going home after a quick, but invigorating technology conference, I hadn’t slept much. A gnat had somehow joined me on the ride and was also staring out the window with me. He might have been lost, but his pace and determination didn’t show it all. Starting at the bottom of the window, he steadily moved up the pane to the top. And then he turned left. He moved across the pane with ease and forethought. Then the plane started. We began our ascent, and moved faster and faster. The gnat turned downward and began running as fast as he could towards the bottom of the window, as if there would be safety there. We lifted off the ground and he froze. He had made it three quarters of the way down and was frozen.

He was dead.

I watched for over ten minutes, he remained still. Pathetic, I thought, a little altitude change and he cannot adjust. Not that a gnat lifespan is so long any way (2-4 months), but he should have at least fought for it a bit.

Then to my surprise, he moved! He slowly crawled into the dark space between the window and the sill. And he rested some more. A few more minutes passed by and he emerged, I think he was smirking at me.

He drove up the window with more determination then ever, even flew a bit, he went back and forth making incredible designs with his lines. Then he did the unthinkable, he moved off the windowpane. He explored the wall, up and down and all around. And he was faster than ever.

He managed to make it onto my Educause Review magazine I had on the table. I stopped reading. I just watched.

He disappeared into the pages. It was a sign.

I fetched to grab my laptop immediately. This story was born.

I have recently told a few of my good friends, I don’t know what I want to do, I just want to change the world in my own way. But some unknown trepidation has kept me from starting a blog sharing that vision, as I was wondering what I would ever have to share. Today, that little gnat changed my mind. Funny, how it always the little things that move us.

The altitude change in my life recently, has certainly stunned me. I was determined before, I knew where I was going. At least, I thought I did. When the assent of change happened, I ran, not sure of where I was going, but I ran. I ran into all of the creative and crazy things I could possibility do without too much effort. But then I froze. It wasn’t a bad thing. It was a necessary thing.

I rested. And I’m finally starting to breath again. I’m moving and I don’t know where I am going, but I know I’m going to go off of the windowpane. I cannot sit on the sidelines and just watch, I need to be in the game.

Hence, the beginning of this website. I am Crista D. Copp, a leader who is searching the right time, right place and right space to be who I am. That time will be right now, this moment and it will also be tomorrow, and the day after. So, welcome my friends and strangers, to the public me. No looking back now.

The metaphor continued…

My little friend, the gnat, not only brought to life my own journeys as of late, but it also highlighted the way that we look at education. As leaders in the complicated, bureaucratic system, we have to stop looking at the world from through the windowpane and live off actually in it. We talk great visions of a different world, but we are too scared to make the hard decisions to get us there. We let small things like, money, resources, and politics, get in the way of change. And more discouraging, we continue to live and think the same way.

At the conference I attended, they incorporated more technology than I have seen in a long time and much of it was good. The part that is discouraging was that we continue to talk about technology in education as if it is a choice, as if we were deciding whether or not to add a particular topic to our curriculum. The debate continues as to whether or not to get on the train, although, the train actually left the station years ago. My friends, we don’t have a choice.

We need to stop separating “analog” and “digital” (and by the way, a question asked in person is no more analog, than a question asked on a website is digital). We need to stop using language that is exclusive to those who do or don’t use technology. We need to stop creating ways for our students to use technology, and just make our curriculum better. There is some sense that we have to come up with all of the answers today, but we cannot and should not. Standing still is not an option, and continuing to believe that the education of tomorrow will act like the education of yesterday is not only incorrect, it is sad.

As the gnat entered into my Educause Review book, I was reading an article by Jack McCredie and I nodded in agreement with the statement that if Socrates "were to go down the hall to a typical classroom, he would certainly understand what was happening, althought he would likely be disappointed by the size of the class and the quality of the teaching." Then I realized that Socrates would be embarrassed. Socrates believed in educating everyone, disseminating knowledge and letting people (alright, just men, but that cannot be helped) come to their own conclusions. He wanted to challenges others’ thoughts. He believed that people should live virtuous lives, looking to have great self- (but selfless) development. Unfortunately, our educational institutions do not do this often. We teach to rote-learning, to the test, to whatever is qualitative that we can measure. The entire system of higher education is based on making sure the student conforms enough so that he can be in an elite club of those with the degree, and the higher up you go, the worse the hazing (as a fairly recent doctoral grad, I’m sure I’ll blog about that from time to time).

We keep talking about how “different” our students today are, and it isn’t about meeting them where they are. It is about leading them to where they need to take us. They want to trust us with their education and their lives, and yet, they want to make up their minds about things. We have to trust that if we lead them, they will make the world a better place for us to live in as well.

Thus, concludes my first blog entry. Come back for more soon.