Sunday, September 11, 2016

Fixer

I'm a fixer.
I view the world as a place with solutions, not problems.
I see life's imperfections as challenges to fix.
And the imperfections haunt me.

The peeling wallpaper in a restaurant just needs some glue.
The crooked blinds in the doctor's office just needs some adjusting.
The grammatical mistakes in an advertisement just need an editor.
The failing AV system on the airplane just needs a system reset.
These daily minor annoyances scream to me that someone needs to care.
There is not judgment in me. I just know I could easily fix them. And wish I could.

I'm a fixer.
As a writer, this is a blessing and curse.
It means that my heart-felt written words are read over and over before being shared.
It means months and years between blog posts.

I'm a fixer.
It means watching a loved one suffer and seeing a solution to their pain.
Even when they are not in a place to hear a solution.
It means biting my tongue over and over, and often failing.

It means I keep trying.
Not all solutions work the first time.
It means I don't believe in failure.
It means a different approach is needed, not the one I tried the first time.

It means I'm good at my job.
Give me the facts. I will provide you at least one solution.
And let's roll, onto the next issue.
No problems, just challenges. We tackle, we fix.

I'm a fixer.
Most people appreciate the "me's" in the world.
They realize I'm needed.
They may like me because I handle things.
They may not like it when I challenge them to handle things.

Many people don't understand me.
They think I have too high-energy.
They don't understand that my brain doesn't allow me to rest.
That I cannot live in a world where things need fixing, that I could help with, and I want to help with...

It means my brain rarely shuts down.
I lie awake thinking of things I need to do.
Things I should do.
Things I could do.
The possibilities are endless. The list is long.

It means I struggle with perfection.
Not because I want to be perfect, but because it can be always be better.
And there is no need to settle.
But as a fixer, I know quite well that fixing everything will burn me out, so I learn to let things go.
It is hard.

I'm a fixer.
There is a committee that needs me, a project that needs me, a worthwhile cause that needs me, a house that needs me, children that need me, friends that need me, a spouse that needs me.
It doesn't leave a lot of time for me to have needs.

But don't worry, I'll fix that too.

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