Reflections

2010. The arbitrary but consistent flip on the calendar causes us to pause, searching for meaning in the past, and craving better days for the future. This cultural reflection should be a daily habit rather than a yearly one, but our inability to process our own weaknesses keeps us from seeing the importance of proper contemplation.

Loss. If 2010 was marked by one word, it would be loss. Personally, the loss of companions to life changes, the loss of stability, the loss of health, and the ultimate loss of too many lives. Globally, the loss of finances, the loss of lives in war - both natural and man-driven, and the complete loss of sanity in the political arenas. The news, both from those known and unknown was full of tragedy, of weights unbearable by anyone alone. And yet somehow, we all do it alone.

Solitude. In the midst of it all, we find that as much as we surround ourselves with others, we must find some inner strength to carry on. With solitude, we find guilt, self-doubt, and loneliness.  But it is through this isolation that proceeds any hope, any dream, and certainly, any peace.  Regardless of one's spiritual beliefs, and regardless of where that strength comes from, it has to start in the quietness when we recognize our own limitations, that we can accept ourselves.

Change. It can come like "the thief in the night", and sometimes it is like the "watched pot that never boils." It can happen as we watch or it can happen only as we look back. But change always comes. Almost never as expected, and rarely when we think we need it. It might be cloaked in negativity and might be mistaken as another loss, hiding the opportunity that one must be mindful to catch. But change always comes - sooner or later.

Hope. The cycle always ends with a longing for something more, and the truth that there truly can be more. A new year sets the stage not for wonderful things to happen to us, but for our reactions to things to be more positive. Not that no more tragedy will befall us, but that we would be wiser and stronger to manage it, to overcome it, and not be dictated to because of it. Finally, hope is the essence of holding true to yourself and reaching out to others in need.

2011. In the juxtaposition of the horrible Tucson strategy this weekend, and hearing my unborn baby's heart today, life is too precious for anything but love and hope. Reflect often my friends. Find your own solitude. And find your way out of any negativity. May this year truly be filled with change and hope for each of you.

Inspiration

Inspiration. A teary commercial, a stunning photograph, a quirky movie, a motivational speaker, a soft-spoken handwritten poem, Post Secret postcards, watching the reality show of building a home for a well-deserving family, listening to the human NPR stories of triumph and bravery, and ah, how weak am I!

Inspiration. An endless stream of inputs and I am overwhelmed. Inspired, but buried as the weight is too much to carry.

Inspiration. Peter Cetera is singing in my head, and yes, I think I may have even been inspired by the love of a boy or two.

Inspiration. Funny, the name of the first faculty technology center I built, was "Inspired InSite". The name was obvious, it was the place on campus for you to be inspired and gain insight with technology for teaching. I still like that name.

Inspiration. Little would the world know how many blogs I write a day, how inspired I am to share, and how odd that so few of those words end up here.

Inspiration. At least a dozen times each day, I am challenged to be better, to do better, and to do more.

Inspiration. The question is really how do I inspire those around me.

Restoration

"Restoration in progress. Please stay on the trail." The sign is mocking me a bit.

I drag myself to the local nature center, pay my obligatory $5 parking fee, and stroll through the various habitats with my notebook.

While the sounds of the freeway are in the distant background, and an occasional power line can be seen, this small oasis in the city has a calming effect on me. As perspective on life slowly comes back to me, I fear it won't last for long. Out there... is death, pain, chaos, busyness, deadlines, pressure, and so much noise. The noise. It takes a full 30 minutes until I am finally able to breathe, removing myself from the insanity of life.

So I sit here, waiting to be restored. The smell of sage, the ducks chasing each other, the falling seeds on my notebook, the trees - everything here says breath, live, restore. The life of the aquatic turtles is envious, the warm sun softly baking their shells, and a quick dip in the water for play. A reminder of a Maui vacation - ah, that is why it looks so familiar.

A couple walk past me, she comments, "the days go by much slower now." Having absolutely no context in which she said this, I could not even phantom a scenario in which could possibility allow my days to go by more slowly.

I have written before about "moments" and I do try desperately to live my life in those precious moments. With the craziness of late, these moments seem to appear less frequently, even though I wish for them more often.

I am not much of a trail hiker, more of a trailblazer. Admittedly, I want the challenge of the unknown, live to be the first, or best, or even the only - but that is another story. It isn't about competitiveness for me, it is about pushing myself.

But I am reminded in this moment that sometimes we have to stay on the trails in life for a while so the restoration can be in progress. Not really what my mind wants, but rather what my soul needs for this interval. Sometimes a trail can keep you from falling, damaging yourself even more, shielding you from predators, or simply gets you to the destination faster. Trails are often predictable and boring to me, but today the trail was peaceful.

"Restoration in progress. Please stay on the trail. Thank you."

Smoke and Mirrors

In this off the "beaten path" blog, I am going to introduce you to some music you need to hear, some words you need to read, and a band you need to know. While the world spins at its normal pace, my life seems to be spinning a bit faster than I can handle as of late, and my absence in writing has not been for a lack of material (which I will be hopefully sharing soon). But timeliness is a key element of blogging, and this one is destined to be timely.

Tomorrow, March 2, marks the release of the fifth album by Lifehouse, Smoke and Mirrors. I have followed this band before they were truly a band... I have attended every concert leg, seeing them in probably 20 shows, traveling and cheering them on from all angeles. I love the simplicity, the sound, the passion, but alas, it is the lyrics that keep me coming back and this new album has it all and it is a must for your collection.

Lifehouse has a sound that is inspired by U2, The Beatles, and Pearl Jam. But they have their own unique sound and several songs on this album exemplify their own classic sound and verse. "It Is What It Is" is a song about recognizing a relationship is at impasse, and the nothingness that lies ahead. The song "From Where You Are" was originally written as an elegy to a young life lost in an auto accident used in an Allstate teen driving campaign - but I can barely listen to it as images of my cousin Eric flash through my mind.

Jason Wade writes passionate, soaring, yet close to the heart lyrics as exemplified on the hit "Halfway Gone" and "All In". A few unique songs "Nerve Damage" and "Near Life Experience" make for a full complement of emotions. But I will leave the other songs for another blog!

As a current member of the Lifehouse Street Team, but also someone who was there in the beginning, I'm doing my part in sharing this news with you: Smoke and Mirrors is now available at stores and for download - it is my pick for top album of 2010!

A Living Reflection

The circle of life has given the most mundane and the greatest of writers, poets, and orators the best fodder, but tonight the poetry seems to have excaped me as I wrestle with the birth of one and the death of another.

In birth, women take action to overprotect themselves, from "early detection" to eating strange things, to unbelievable odd medical and traditional (any one been to a baby shower?) rituals. We overprotect our children, worrying over silly things, making them live our dreams, or escaping from reality through them. We become over-involved in their schools and activites, helicoptering over them. We keep them inside, afraid of what the "outside" holds, and we forget to let them explore, for we keep them safe.

In the end it is all for not; as the end comes to all of us. It might be that fatal accident, the incurable diease, the horrid lifestyle that sped up the process, or just the age thing that gets us. It almost always comes too soon, and almost as often, it is unexpected. Even watching a loved one suffer from that cancer, the end is always a shock.

It is in those moments of frailty that we are reminded of the preciousness of life - in holding a newborn or attending a funeral, you cannot help but reflect on your own actions, you own dreams, what did you make of yourself and what will the world hold for this new life. I am reflecting a lot lately.

Words of wisdom are plenty. And I have none.

Just live every moment.

Bare Branches

Bare branches tell a story
Green ones cannot understand

They were stripped of their livelihood
They stand naked in shame
They never asked to be the chosen ones
They were not given options at that moment
They thought they were in it all together
They were always part of the team

Bare branches tell a story
Green ones just don't understand

As lightening does, it struck
A tiny spark changed the course
Amazing inferno, ravaging the life
Green is vaporized in seconds
The beauty that took years is gone

Bare branches tell a story
Green ones fail to understand

Under the blackened nakedness
Blood flows on
It breathes and moves
Heart still constant in the trunk
Damaged, but not dead

Bare branches tell a story
Green ones misunderstand

Severely broken, but not forever
Struggle is slow and steady
Water and light are needed
But time is the only true healer
They learn they can only grow with the seasons

Bare branches tell a story
Green ones incapable to understand

Solid, perfect, and Green
Balanced and Unmovable
The world offers little threat
Small Animals, tired birds, a bitter winter
They don't phase those green branches

Bare branches tell a story
Green ones will never understand

A forrest full of trees
No one really stands alone
They all touch each other
Need by each other, dependent
It is their togetherness that makes them strong

Yet somehow, bare branches know a different story.

(Written Summer 2008 while sitting in the forest in Yosemite.
Recent life events made it come alive again.)

Rabbi's Wisdom

Today, North Hollywood was rattled by the shooting of two Jewish men as they were entering the Adat Yeshurun Valley Sephardic synagogue for worship. Although the two men were not fatally injured, there was fear and panic this morning as the unknown assailant was loose, and the motive and extent of the crime were undetermined.

The Deputy Chief of Los Angeles Police was addressing the media and spelled the name of the synagogue, Adat Yeshurun, because he couldn't pronounce it. The Rabbi helped him out and pronounced it for him, and then a reported asked the Rabbi to spell it. He said, "Just like the Deputy Chief said", noting the irony of the question. The Rabbi continued, "It is a Hebrew word, you can spell it any way you want."

None of the reporters seemed to pick up on this quip, and they went along with dramatizing the morning's saga. They were asking the most dire of questions - probing for the worst case scenario.

But it was the Rabbi's attitude that caught me, his humor in the face of fear.

If we all could manage to see beyond the fear, beyond the uncertainty, simply live in the moment, and smile at the moment, what a better place this would be.